The lift door opens and I see you standing there with some bags. We run to you and hug you and somehow the tears don’t stop. That familiar hug and huge cry is all that matters then. I don’t want to ever let you go. But you are struggling with the bags and try to push us away.
“Girls what happened, why are you crying? I had just been gone for a short while”. You push us away and go meet the other family members; everywhere I see everyone’s happy again. Then you come and sit with us and we tell you that it’s time to take your medicines. You look at us confused. “Medicine? What medicine?” And that’s when we notice that there are no dark circles under your eyes any more. You skin is fairer and smoother. No one tells you about what happened a year back.
I hear the familiar ring and my eyes open… and just like that, you are gone again, Ma. I try going back to sleep, but alas you are gone. And just like that, 25th February 2013 became a reality.
When my son wakes up and sometimes his eyes are webbed with eye mucus, while washing his face I tell him that a fairy had come left her wings behind on his eyes. Today, when I woke up, I had my eyes webbed completely. My fairy had probably kissed them shut.
It’s going to be a year and nothing has been able to fill that gap. Neither chocolates or alcohol or even weekend getaways help us forget.
We just have to close our eyes and the last picture of you lying on that stone is what appears.
Hope your dark circles and all your pain is gone; may you smile on us always.
From The Girls
20th February, 2014.